I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
