I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
