There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
