i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
