It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
