On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
