if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
