yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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