there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
