ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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