you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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