Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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