i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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