glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
