How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
