yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
