Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
