You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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