What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
