Umm I'm too high to move.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
