I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
