you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
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I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
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She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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