i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
