So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
