The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
