You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
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Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
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You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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