May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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