Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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