I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Randomize
