a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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