He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
