Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
