okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
