If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
