She's JV to your varsity
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
