Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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