my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Success! We fucked roommates!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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