Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
