Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
