Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
