I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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