Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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