the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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