that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
