Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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