Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
