I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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