no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
