I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm too high and old for this...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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