Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
