I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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