Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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