how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize