just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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