Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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