My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
