I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
