In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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