I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
