i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
