When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
