Tell her she can't have a vagina
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
