I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
