every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We talked him into tasing himself.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
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thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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