end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
