never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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