He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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