similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
