after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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