I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
