if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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