Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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