I accidentally burped into my bong.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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