It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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