I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
