just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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