you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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