We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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