Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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