i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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