Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
