so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Bring me that man meat
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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