After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
