I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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