i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
